DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been given a funds to take some out-of-town of us to dinner the day earlier than a convention.
I emailed an invite to everybody, and acquired again loads of replies indicating that they had been accepting — and bringing a partner.
I used to be somewhat stunned. Now I’m over funds, and I feel I’m in hassle.
Is that this actually my fault? Did I not phrase the invitation correctly? I’m at a loss for phrase an invitation with out sounding like I’m assuming they might convey somebody until I instructed them to not.
What ought to I do subsequent yr — demand the funds be expanded to cowl further individuals, simply in case?
GENTLE READER: The place is your boss in all this?
Miss Manners asks as a result of, whereas she is pleased to get you out of this mess, she needs you to know that this can be a enterprise operations concern, like the opposite lots of you face yearly.
You aren’t entertaining these individuals since you don’t have sufficient work throughout the day, nor as a result of these persons are your pals, nor as a result of it’s your thought of an excellent time. You’re doing it as a result of somebody believes that it’s within the enterprise’s pursuits that these prospects/shoppers/staff be made to really feel welcome whereas attending the convention.
In formulating the funds, nobody thought to incorporate spouses. With the advantage of expertise, this was a mistake in judgment, because it leaves behind spouses who’ve made the journey and thought to take part in after-hours occasions.
Relatively than demanding something, you ought to be asking what your boss feels is of most worth. Is it higher to incur the added expense of inviting spouses, to incur the price of displeasing these individuals, or to drop the preconference meal?
You’re hoping there’s a fourth possibility — to persuade these individuals to attend fortunately with out their spouses — however you already know there may be not.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a cocktail party, my companion quietly excused herself after the meal to smoke a cigarette. She went outdoors, over our nonsmoking hostess’s protestations that inside was tremendous.
As I escorted my good friend outdoors, I heard a fellow visitor, the spouse of a mutual acquaintance, shriek, “What? She smokes?” in a tone that will have been acceptable provided that my companion had excused herself to homicide individuals or buy heroin.
I ignored it, however I felt like I ought to have stated one thing.
Is this sort of conduct going to develop into conventionally accepted as smoking is more and more stigmatized?
GENTLE READER: One could have well being considerations for these near you who smoke — or for your self, if individuals smoke round you — however there are authentic methods to specific these considerations. The case you describe matches neither.
This doesn’t, nonetheless, entitle you to borrow your companion’s cigarette so as to return to the dinner desk and put it out within the impolite visitor’s entree.
Miss Manners suggests you inform your smoking companion that you’re sorry for the rudeness proven her — and be grateful that at the very least the perpetrator was insecure sufficient to border it as a loud stage whisper reasonably than a full-throated lecture to your companion’s face.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.